Plato used to say that everybody should experience moments of solitude in order to find inner peace. But in today's world, with the great majority of population living the large cities, moments of solitude are rare, yet, people feel more lonely than ever. Why?
Loneliness and Depression – A Spiritualist Perspective
According to Social Psychology, people have a natural tendency to live in community and the need to belong to a group reaches its peak during the teenage years. However, this is not a very simple task for most teens as the constant need for approval can be very overwhelming. After a few frustrated attempts to be part of a group, one tends to isolate him/herself for fear of being rejected and some people will continue to isolate themselves through adulthood.
This is the kind of isolation which is harmful as a person does not interact with others and does not have anything to replace the emptiness. According to some theories, isolation that is a result of fear of rejection can evolve to pathologies such as clinical depression, panic attacks and anxiety.
Although there are effective medicines for all cases, the root of the problem sometimes remains locked up in one's unconscious mind – when being alone brings so much pain, it may be a sign that there's something inside that the person does not want to face.
This is why it is said that most people cannot stand being alone. They use TV, radio and loud music to create the illusion that they have a company. They resort to other peoples' lives (i.e.: celebrities) to fulfill the emptiness. This is, however, a strong sign that the inner life might be abandoned, as a person that has a rich spiritual life never feels uncomfortable in his/her own company.
How to Cope With Loneliness – Solitude is Necessary
Being alone should not be a problem. Solitude allows people to reflect, be themselves, enjoy the things they love and be in contact with their own nature. Philosophers of all times and places said that when one doesn't feel comfortable in his/her own company, there is something wrong. This means that a person is looking for happiness outside, in other people, in other things and not in their own being.
Of course people should interact, and interaction with others allows growth, teaches social skills and makes life more pleasant. The difference is that a person should not depend on other people to find happiness, as all resources to achieve peace of mind are inside each person. Interaction with other people should be a natural result of sharing interests and not a relation of dependence.
Overcome Loneliness – Cultivating a Hobby
Hobbies can be a great tool against loneliness. Each person has a different and unique way to connect with beauty, love and wisdom. A beautiful song, a poem or a sculpture, or simply taking care of flowers has the power of mirroring the beauty of the universe. When a person is connected with beauty, he or she is developing the inner life. A person that has so much life inside, doesn't need to search for emotions, love or affection in the outside, as all resources are in his/her hands.
Developing Inner Life
Some hobbies to start developing inner life and help coping with loneliness:
- being a part of a book club;
- getting involved in gardening activities;
- learning a new language;
- attending dancing classes;
- volunteering to help the community;
- practicing sports;
- writing poetry;
- learning a musical instrument, etc.
As a result of being in peace, and having so much deep and meaningful spiritual experiences through the hobbies, other people that share the same interests might approach and establish a relationship. But this time, the relationship with others will be defined by affinities and not by necessity or fear of being alone.
Quotes on Loneliness
The following quotations discuss the topic of loneliness, providing reasons for why this emotion should not be feared:
- "The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself." ~Mark Twain
- "Language... has created the world "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.” ~Paul Tillitch
- “With some people solitariness is an escape not from others but from themselves. For they see in the eyes of others only a reflection of themselves.” ~Erich Hoffer
- “Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.” ~Dagg Hammrskjod
- "They are never alone that are accompanies with noble thoughts." ~Sir Philip Sidney
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Read How to Deal with Death and Grief along with How to Forgive Yourself and Others to learn more about personal development from a spiritualist perspective.
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